True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think your dad took our porno
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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