he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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