so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
