She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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