I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
