Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
