Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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