ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
