I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
