he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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