i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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