There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
