i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
