The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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