Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You took a bar mat shot.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
