My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
