the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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