If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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