Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
