Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
