Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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