did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
