I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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