As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
50% drunk capacity currently
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
