help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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