hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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