You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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