God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
