I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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