she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
