I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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