found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
