i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
There's even glitter on my cock...
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