I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
