Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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