Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
