Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
