dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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