Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I think im going to throw up on grandma
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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