dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
