my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
