Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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