i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
