I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
