Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
And then he peed in my hair
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