apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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