I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wish i was in the wii world.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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