I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
