I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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