Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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