dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
