Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
