I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
