hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
