I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
