I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think I won the penis lottery.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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