so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
