I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
