tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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