We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
